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math lesson
17 Apr 2013
Maths teacher asked Johnny, "If u have 12 chocolate and u give 5 to elisa, 3 to alice and 4 to jessie, Then what will u get?" Johny replied, "sir! 3 new girl friends"
how to politely tell a lady to shut up
17 Apr 2013
this is how you can tell a very pretty lady to shut up without sounding rude or hurting her... ...hi gorgeous, Would you mind introducing your lower lip to the upper lip and letting them hug each other for a while?
does your wife control you?
17 Apr 2013
peter and his wife are attending the church service. in the middle of the service, the preacher announced, "men, If you know your wife is controls you, move to the left". All men in the church moved to left except peter. The pastor was amused and asked, "How comes your wife doesn't control you?" peter quietly replied, "Pastor, she just told me not to move"
who will do the dishes?
16 Apr 2013
A young man has always dreamed on owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After picking out the perfect bike the dealer warns him that if he leaves his Harley in the rain the chrome has a tendency to rust. He tells [...]
little johnny and his dad
14 Apr 2013
Little Johnny was relaxing besides his father in the living room watching t.v... Father : Why don't you just go and study, Johnny? Little Johnny: What for? Father: You'll get good marks. Little Johnny: Then? Father: You'll get good job. Little Johnny: Then what? Father: You'll have big house and new car. Little Johnny: So [...]
4 football fanaticcs
11 Apr 2013
Four men were stranded in a desert. Suddenly, one of them died. The other 3 decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body. The first man said, "I support Liverpool, so I'll eat his liver". The 2nd man said, "I support Manchester United, so I'll eat his chest". The 3rd man said, "I support Arsenal, so I'll eat.... but I'm not very hungry now!"
golfer and 2 ants
11 Apr 2013
Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golf ball. It sat in the same spot. So he lined up [...]
cunning neighbour
11 Apr 2013
Every time the man next door headed toward s Michael's house, Michael knew he was coming to borrow something. "He won't get away with it this time," muttered Michael to his wife. "Watch this." "Er, I wonder if you'd be using your power-saw this morning," the neighbor began. "Gee, I'm awfully sorry," said Michael with [...]
soccer for the blind
11 Apr 2013
A teacher at a school for blind kids is taking his school's soccer team to an "away game". They stop for a rest break, and to let the kids work off some energy with a little impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is sitting in a nearby diner, explaining to another patron how [...]
funny police
11 Apr 2013
George, an elderly man, was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He [...]
pilot's welcome message
11 Apr 2013
An airplane pilot was welcoming the passengers on the plane shortly after take-off. "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 321, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and...," when suddenly he [...]
too drunk
11 Apr 2013
A pub is closing and a totally plastered customer struggles to get to the door to walk home, despite only living a few hundred yards from there. He literally crawls on the pavement all the way back home, drags himself up the stairs and eventually reaches his bed after two hours. He wakes up the next morning, and his wife tells him, "You were really drunk last night weren't you?" "Yeah, why? How do you know?" "You left your wheelchair at the pub."
bathing santa
11 Apr 2013
Banta came to meet Santa at his house. He knocked at the door; and was surprised to see Santa dripping with water, opened the door while he was butt naked. "Come on Santa, aren't you ashamed? Why don't you wear something?", said Banta. Santa sheepishly ran into the bathroom and came back wearing his slippers.
drunk fart
11 Apr 2013
There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunkard in a bar. Suddenly the drunkard stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" then farts loudly. The wife got extremely embarrassed, and the husband looked at the drunk and said, "Excuse me, you just farted before my wife." The drunks replies, "I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."
a drunk driver and a cop
11 Apr 2013
A Police Officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a [...]
parliament session
11 Apr 2013
A member of the Parliament, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, "Half of this House is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!" All the other members demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session. [...]
100 rupees
11 Apr 2013
In Lok Sabha, a Congress MP during his speech told a story..... "There was a father who gave 100 rupees to each of his 3 sons and asked them to buy things and fill up a room completely. "First son bought hay for Rs. 100 but couldn't fill the room entirely. "Second son bought cotton [...]
3 brazillions
11 Apr 2013
Donald Rumsfeld gave the president his daily briefing. He concluded by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed." "OH NO!" the president exclaimed. "That's terrible!" His staff was stunned at his display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sat, his head in his hands. Finally, the president looked up and asked, "Just how many is a brazillion?"
am not free
11 Apr 2013
The Fourth of July weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. "We live in a great country," she said. "One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free." One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said, "I'm not free. I'm four."
wanna git out
2 Apr 2013
At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon" answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" He asks. "Same time as [...]
- The little sparrow who learned to fly from a majestic eagle
- Lily Overcomes Her Worst Fears
- The 3 animals and the monster
- The honest Jack
- Lucy the baker
- The Magical Seeds
- The Little Caterpillar
