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pilot's welcome message
11 Apr 2013
An airplane pilot was welcoming the passengers on the plane shortly after take-off. "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 321, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and...," when suddenly he [...]
too drunk
11 Apr 2013
A pub is closing and a totally plastered customer struggles to get to the door to walk home, despite only living a few hundred yards from there. He literally crawls on the pavement all the way back home, drags himself up the stairs and eventually reaches his bed after two hours. He wakes up the [...]
bathing santa
11 Apr 2013
Banta came to meet Santa at his house. He knocked at the door; and was surprised to see Santa dripping with water, opened the door while he was butt naked. "Come on Santa, aren't you ashamed? Why don't you wear something?", said Banta. Santa sheepishly ran into the bathroom and came back wearing his slippers.
drunk fart
11 Apr 2013
There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunkard in a bar. Suddenly the drunkard stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" then farts loudly. The wife got extremely embarrassed, and the husband looked at the drunk and said, "Excuse me, you just farted before my wife." The drunks replies, "I'm sorry I [...]
a drunk driver and a cop
11 Apr 2013
A Police Officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a [...]
parliament session
11 Apr 2013
A member of the Parliament, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, "Half of this House is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!" All the other members demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session. [...]
100 rupees
11 Apr 2013
In Lok Sabha, a Congress MP during his speech told a story..... "There was a father who gave 100 rupees to each of his 3 sons and asked them to buy things and fill up a room completely. "First son bought hay for Rs. 100 but couldn't fill the room entirely. "Second son bought cotton [...]
3 brazillions
11 Apr 2013
Donald Rumsfeld gave the president his daily briefing. He concluded by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed." "OH NO!" the president exclaimed. "That's terrible!" His staff was stunned at his display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sat, his head in his hands. Finally, the president looked up and asked, "Just how many [...]
am not free
11 Apr 2013
The Fourth of July weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. "We live in a great country," she said. "One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free." One little boy came walking up to her [...]
wanna git out
2 Apr 2013
At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon" answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" He asks. "Same time as [...]
drinking is bad
1 Apr 2013
At a Bar, a NUN preaches: Drinking is Bad. Man: Have you tried it? Nun: No, Never. Man: Ok, you try once, if you don't like it, I'll giv up Drinking. Nun: Ok, but bring it in a Teacup, I don't want people seeing me drinking. ...Man goes to the bartender and says: Giv me [...]
communication skills
31 Mar 2013
Jack and Mark are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying. Mark replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?" So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?" The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter [...]
they are finally together
29 Mar 2013
Agnes was married and had 13 children. When her husband died, she got married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. So Agnes remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas!, she finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving [...]
johnny in court
29 Mar 2013
Judge: Now then, please tell me, what is the charge against you?" Johny: I was caught shopping very early. Judge:That doesn't seem like an offence to me. What do you mean by "very early?" Johny: Well, your Honour It was before the shop was open.
fascinate
29 Mar 2013
The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep.. It was fascinating.' The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'. Sally [...]
burger king
29 Mar 2013
Wife : Honey can u help me with the garden? Husband : Do I look like a Gardener? Wife : Honey the toilet is broken... Husband : Do I look like a Plumber? ( Later The husband went out for lunch & when he came back everything was fixed ) Husband : Did u fix [...]
found the remote
29 Mar 2013
After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed [...]
angels overload
29 Mar 2013
Father Mbayo was driving at around 2.00am alone in his car and got to a roadblock. The policeman stopped him and asked for everything which he gave out. The policeman had nothing to ask again, in order to charge him, guess what the police man said; "I charge you for driving alone at this time [...]
sugar test
29 Mar 2013
Jonny Goes Into A Chemist, Reaches Into His Pocket And Takes Out A Small Bottle And a Teaspoon. He Pours Some Liquid Into The Teaspoon And Offers It To The Chemists Assistant. "Could You Taste This, Please?" The Chemists Assistant Takes The Teaspoon, Puts It In His Mouth, Swirls The Liquid Around and Swallows It. [...]
favourite parent
29 Mar 2013
dad: between me and your mom, who do you love themost? son: i love the both of you... dad: i mean... who is you favourite parent? son: the both of you... dad: no! choose one ...assuming that i went to america n your mom went to paris, where would you choose to go? son: i [...]
- Fred and the Hidden Treasure of Barringtown
- The Tide That Took Ian
- Diana and the Whispering Woods
- The Crocodile Bandit and the Jungle Jewel
- The Longest Word in English
- The Oldest Tree in the World
- Why Do Sloths Have Algae Growing on Their Fur?
